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Parting Gifts

by Capstan

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1.
I hope my absence haunts you like a ghost Eating away at you from time to time I know I’m absent from your life and mind but you still haunt mine There’s a different kind of emptiness you left me with after all of this And I can’t wrap my head around the fact that you’re not coming back There’s a chemical imbalance that you left inside my brain You’re the reason why the alcohol is still rotting in my veins I’ll be ok this is something I can get through But I don’t know if I can say the same about you I know a world of stability is all that you could ever see and when everything falls apart Dear God I know it’ll fall apart I hope you buckle at your knees and think of me I’ll leave you with this emptiness as your parting gift These heavy words I know you can’t lift (Between the two of you there’ll be a common rift) And thats me. The problem you can’t fix The chemicals have balanced as I’m writing off your name I hope the thought of us and broken trust stays frozen in his brain ’ll be ok this is something I can get through But I don’t know if I can say the same about you Truth be told we are not the same A future sold that was built on blame I pray you can’t bear the guilt and shame I’ll stay a thorn in your side that’s worn with pain Day in day out it won’t get better Even your friends say forever fair-weather Stay stuck. You’re a stormy sky with an idle mind you deserve each other And I’ve been picking you apart in my head Trying to see between you and me if there was anything worth keeping I’m empty handed once again Constant consent. You lied to him about the time we spent. Relapse. Repent. Your judgement lapse came and went. You said that life was built on compromise A statement laced with fraying ties on borrowed time you’ll never find So in the end you took what was yours and stole what was mine.
2.
While everyone’s sleeping in their bed I’m wide awake lost in my head. I’m so fucking tired and out of breath and it’s been like this ever since you left. I was always more careless than careful. Losing grips on things I cared for. My body’s tired and these eyes are sore. Forever drifting while you’re safe ashore. While everyone’s smug with second best, I’ll bandage these wounds inside my chest. Been carrying the weight of the world and just can’t do it anymore. It’s impossible to be invincible in a world that’s so deceitful. But I just keep pretending that never sinking is believable. Well I’ve been down and I’ve been out but this is something I’ve never felt. The letters and the promises you’ve sent have only brought me hell. I’m breaking up the cycle of letting you pull me down. Can you feel the ground shake it caves from your weight. Empty promises can’t save you now. The clarity of your voice has since turned to white noise and static. It seems my outline and your scant design weren’t meant for this schematic. I’ve become numb to what’s come undone. Your secondhand stories like sun before morning. Lost the shine that lit up your eyes. Your brightest words are your boldest lies. (Your world is so very small, a silent curtain call. I won’t be around when it all comes crashing down.) You’ve left me short on breath I’m speechless. Clinging to the only air I still have left. Avoiding death. I can feel the room getting smaller and closing in. Well I’ve been down and I’ve been out but this is something I’ve never felt. The letters and the promises you’ve sent have only brought me hell. I’m breaking up the cycle of letting you pull me down. Can you feel the ground shake it caves from your weight. Empty promises can’t save you now. The clarity of your voice has since turned to white noise and static. It seems my outline and your scant design weren’t meant for this schematic. What hurts the most isn’t the fact that our lives changed. It’s how I’ve become so obsolete but I’ll thrive from what remains. I’ve always been an open book letting you skim through every chapter. Now the pages are finally closed, a catalyst for your disaster. Well now your down. The one thats out. And this is something you’ve never felt. With these words I’ve helped myself grow inside and out of doubt. And I know this brings you hell. I finally broke the cycle of letting you pull me down. Can you feel the ground shake it caves from your weight. Empty promises can’t save you now. The clarity of your voice has since turned to white noise and static. It seems my outline and your scant design weren’t meant for this schematic. Was I the needle in your arm the reason for your bad habit Or were those empty words of a withdrawing addict When the drugs are gone I hope one thing remains I pray my voice still echoes through your veins.
3.
Closing Cost 01:59
I heard everything you said through that white wooden door. Crying over him falling apart on the bathroom floor. Your words spun excuses but were sold out by your eyes. I’m nothing more to you than a consolation prize. And I’ve sensed revenge though the plot in me tends to steer clear of tying up loose ends. I refuse to remain your mess. I’ve been buried six feet deep alive in my own unrest. Filled with emptiness, I’m penniless, over-drafted trying to impress. I guess I’ll just always stay second best. You took my breath away, and I don’t ever want it back again. I’ve always had a cheap heart your bank account could always spend. They say a picture’s worth a thousand words. I scream at yours and still stay unheard. Maybe I’m just blind and your just deaf, or this is all just wasted breath.
4.
Reprieve 02:30
Is there a place up in heaven where they store the worlds debris? I swear I’m not a wicked person. Is there a wasteland for me? Am I scared? I’m fucking terrified. These thoughts eat me alive from the inside. Is there a church down in hell where the addicts go to meet? Seeking shelter from their demons trading shame for amnesty? Am I scared? I’m fucking terrified. These thoughts eat me alive from the inside. I am a liar, I am a sinner, I am the furthest from the grace that my parents made I’m reminded of it every single day (I am the snake, I am the snare who’s beats of my own heart’s what kept me marching with no legs to get me there.) We’re all liars, living sinners, now the furthest from the grace that our parents made It won’t define me in any way. (Are you awake, are you aware? We’re all walking cadavers with faith that’s faulted to despair)

about

Acoustic Tracks

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released November 15, 2015

Tracked & Mixed : Torch & Star Studios
Mastered: NADA Studios

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Capstan Orlando, Florida

Anthony DeMario : Vocals

Harrison Bormann : Guitar

Andrew Bozymowski:
Bass/Vocals

Scott Fisher : Drums

Joseph Mabry : Guitar

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