Seasonal Depression

by Capstan

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02:09
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03:35
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released 02 December 2014

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Track Name: Convalesce
Capstan - Convalesce

I know this life isn’t an easy ride. It takes more than bad luck to break my stride.
It’s the passion and desire that adds fuel to the fire in my chest. And I won’t rest.
Although I don’t know what lies ahead, I still define progress the days I pull myself out of bed.

I should have known that the winds would have shifted in an opposite direction and the feelings we had drifted apart. Some things are just out of our control.

I think I finally understand the reasons for the changing of the seasons.
Letting everything fall to make way for the new.
It’s not the surface that matters but the roots that I grew.
Track Name: Drifter
Capstan - Drifter

Well I became unchained on those late night drives. Following too close behind.
Smiling through bloodshot eyes. Definition of a reckless youth.
Those Midwest nights will always show the brightest truth.

But with no regrets I gave up all I had just to gain wide open oceans from inland lakes.

Sweet home no matter how far I go. Regardless of the roads that I now travel.
Brought to life by dust and gravel. Filled my lungs and stood me up.
Hardened inside by where I was stuck. But a thousand miles and a few degrees have forged true love I could never see.

And I suppose that I’ll never know what tomorrow means if I let the past go.
There’s feelings in these moments whether you choose to see them or not.
And the worn out shoes on my tired feet tell stories of days now lost.

Gripping to these seconds wish I could save some of these days.
And I’ll keep them close for when I grow older to avoid mistakes I’ve made.

But with no regrets I gave up all I had just to gain wide open oceans from inland lakes.

Sweet home no matter how far I go. Regardless of the roads that I now travel.
Brought to life by dust and gravel. Filled my lungs and stood me up.
Hardened inside by where I was stuck. But a thousand miles and a few degrees have forged true love I could never see.

Here I think I’m finally found. I’m weightless and outbound.
Head up in the clouds, heels dug deep into the ground.
And I’m gripping to these seconds wish I could save some of these days. And I’ll keep them close for when I grow older to avoid mistakes I’ve made.
Track Name: A Forever Recovery
Capstan - A Forever Recovery

While everyone’s sleeping in their bed I’m wide awake lost in my head.
I’m so fucking tired and out of breath and it’s been like this ever since you left.
I was always more careless than careful. Losing grips on things I cared for.
My body’s tired and these eyes are sore. Forever drifting while you’re safe ashore.

While everyone’s smug with second best, I’ll bandage these wounds inside my chest.
Been carrying the weight of the world and just can’t do it anymore.
It’s impossible to be invincible in a world that’s so deceitful.
But I just keep pretending that never sinking is believable.

Well I’ve been down and I’ve been out but this is something I’ve never felt.
The letters and the promises you’ve sent have only brought me hell.

I’m breaking up the cycle of letting you pull me down.
Can you feel the ground shake it caves from your weight.
Empty promises can’t save you now.
The clarity of your voice has since turned to white noise and static.
It seems my outline and your scant design weren’t meant for this schematic.

I’ve become numb to what’s come undone.
Your secondhand stories like sun before morning.
Lost the shine that lit up your eyes. Your brightest words are your boldest lies.
(Your world is so very small, a silent curtain call. I won’t be around when it all comes crashing down.)

You’ve left me short on breath I’m speechless. Clinging to the only air I still have left.
Avoiding death.
I can feel the room getting smaller and closing in.

Well I’ve been down and I’ve been out but this is something I’ve never felt.
The letters and the promises you’ve sent have only brought me hell.

I’m breaking up the cycle of letting you pull me down.
Can you feel the ground shake it caves from your weight.
Empty promises can’t save you now.
The clarity of your voice has since turned to white noise and static.
It seems my outline and your scant design weren’t meant for this schematic.

What hurts the most isn’t the fact that our lives changed.
It’s how I’ve become so obsolete but I’ll thrive from what remains.
I’ve always been an open book letting you skim through every chapter.
Now the pages are finally closed, a catalyst for your disaster.

Well now your down. The one thats out. And this is something you’ve never felt.
With these words I’ve helped myself grow inside and out of doubt.
And I know this brings you hell.

I finally broke the cycle of letting you pull me down.
Can you feel the ground shake it caves from your weight.
Empty promises can’t save you now.
The clarity of your voice has since turned to white noise and static.
It seems my outline and your scant design weren’t meant for this schematic.

Was I the needle in your arm the reason for your bad habit
Or were those empty words of a withdrawing addict
When the drugs are gone I hope one thing remains
I pray my voice still echoes through your veins.
Track Name: Politically Correct (ft. Jeff Schneiter)
Capstan - Politically Correct

There are some things I have to say regarding your blasphemy.
And honestly it’s been killing me.
Quit driving slander that you speak home maybe you’ll hit the truth.
Not a bump in the road or an unpaid toll you’re a high speed wreck with a telephone poll
Infect my friends, I’ll rip the scab away.

An unmentioned story on an empty highway.
You’re gone and all that’s left is a lesson and a scar to stay
I hope you know that it’s over and done
You can cry all you want but we won’t change.
These colors never fucking run.

Breaking my back trying to get through the day
And every word that’s coming at me makes it harder to stray
Away from every thought we don’t want to relate to
Your mindless stance can’t alter plans on artistic points of view

Fuck what you think.
Track Name: Relics In Ruins
Capstan - Relics In Ruins

Your hands were always tied to a future set on your wedding day.
That’s not building a life. You’re throwing it all away.

I’ve lost a lot of friends this year some to a marriage and careers
Honestly I’m scared to death of losing the few I still have left.
Falling leaves are all I’ve seen. I’m always stuck here in between.
I wish the wind would blow us back before the snow falls over me.

Where I want to be and my reality always share such little company.

We’re all hopeless romantics who base regression on your semantics.
The doubtless nights now endless lies turn into depression.
But you’ll never hear me say the golden days faded away

There’s a hurricane that’s raged in my head. A nightmare taking place out of my bed.
The winds are tearing away what I still love. I’ll keep holding on with broken hands.
I won’t let my life deconstruct.

There’s comfort in the warmth of love but I’m drawn to the cold of being alone.
Stole my senses from second guesses and left me numb to the bone.
And I’ve finally found a place to grow.

We’re all hopeless romantics who base regression on your semantics.
The doubtless nights now endless lies turn into depression.
But you’ll never hear me say that the golden days faded away

I never said this was easy.
(You’ll go on pretending)
And I don’t expect you to understand
The shit that I went through
(It’s what you were in to)
To make this life my final stand

Trigger happy with a loaded gun in my hand. Crosshairs aligned for that place in time
Living life for the unplanned.

Good luck making history. And I’ll put my two cents into building more of these memories.

We’re all hopeless romantics who base regression on your semantics.
The doubtless nights now endless lies turn into depression.
But you’ll never hear me say the golden days faded away.
Track Name: Blood, Toil, Tears, Sweat
Capstan - Blood, Toil, Tears, Sweat

May the wind always be at your back.

Anything in life can take your breath away.
Find the one thing that puts air into your lungs.
For now I’m throwing mixed emotions to the wolves.
They can rip tear and shred every fiber every thread.

Nothing is truly lost, just in a different place in time.
In my head your heart still beats with mine.

It’s not about putting yourself together it’s about letting pieces fall apart
That shipwreck in your chest will always be an anchor on your heart
Even in the face of the heaviest tides I swear you can make it part.

I may not be the best example but I stand here with a fucked up past
A good laugh and the hopes of moving forward
I’m embracing change with open arms yet clumsy hands and a lack of charm
Makes it fucking hard to hold it all together

Nothing is truly lost, just in a different place in time.
In my head your heart still beats with mine.

It’s not about putting yourself together it’s about letting pieces fall apart
That shipwreck in your chest will always be an anchor on your heart
Even in the face of the heaviest tides I swear you can make it part.

Everyday is a firefight.
And as I face these battles I have to retain that this hope can remain and still survive
There’s more to living than just being alive

Those who spend their lives in glass houses should not cast stones
Give in to being broken
We’re made to be fragile designed to be open and fall apart.
Give way to your heavy heart.

It’s not about putting yourself together it’s about letting pieces fall apart
That shipwreck in your chest will always be an anchor on your heart
Even in the face of the heaviest tides I swear you can make it part.
Track Name: Can't.Lie.Around.Remembering.Everything.
Capstan - Can’t. Lie. Around. Remembering. Everything

This hit me from left field these feelings that you had concealed.
A sense of emptiness that you revealed leaving silence over the phone line.
There were some things I just couldn’t say
I thought about you every fucking day
Watching miles slowly cause decay while the weeks and months tear you away.

Well I guess it’s just a missed sense of confidence

Don’t worry because I’ll be fine.
You’ve got your city lights and I’ve got the shoreline.
You will always be branded in me
A memory I’ll try to keep out of my head
A reoccurring dream I can’t forget so I’ll just sleep in instead
I’m leaving open seats to the New York City streets.
I always figured they be just a little too crowded for me.

But I swear there was weight in the words you said.
Enough to knock me off my feet and straight into your bed.
These bad dreams relapse two separate marks on the same map.
I keep chasing these times I know I can’t get back.

Well I guess it’s just a missed sense of confidence

Don’t worry because I’ll be fine.
You’ve got your city lights and I’ve got the shoreline.
You will always be branded in me
A memory I’ll try to keep out of my head
A reoccurring dream I can’t forget so I’ll just sleep in instead
I’m leaving open seats to the New York City streets.
I always figured they be just a little too crowded for me.

It’s just another classic case of the right person at the wrong time.

You left me with a wreck inside my head, bloody knuckles and a note that read
“You should have loved someone else instead”
I should’ve loved someone else instead

And I know this could never work so I’ll play it out in my head instead
From the moment that we met to those three words that you never said.
You are the life support that time cut short.
The skip in my heartbeat. I’m dragging my feet.
You are the lock on my gate keeping me from moving on.

You left me with a wreck inside my head.